Yes The Guy Got Away With It And Perhapps Raped Again
In lite of the recent Stanford rape case, the concept of consent is back in the national dialogue. In a gut-wrenching letter from the Stanford rape victim to her attacker, she writes:
"The night afterward it happened, he said he thought I liked it considering I rubbed his back. A dorsum rub.
Never mentioned me voicing consent, never mentioned us even speaking, a dorsum rub."
Much of the conversation around consent focuses on the phrase "no means no" and more recently shifted toward the phrase "yes means yep." In fact, California enacted a consent law two years agone that states, "Affirmative consent must exist ongoing throughout a sexual activity and tin can be revoked at any time."
While that police force touches upon the idea of ongoing consent, the dialog surrounding rape still needs to become more than nuanced to include rape that occurs afterwards someone has said "yes."
Nosotros spoke to a legal expert about four ways you tin can be raped or sexually assaulted even later on you have consented to sex:
1. If he removes the condom after you've required information technology
Vertolet via Bigstock
In a recent essay on The Establishment, writer Carrie Cutforth describes a sexual encounter with a guy who continually promised to wearable a condom withal ultimately pushes his unsheathed dick and her boundaries.
In her memoir "Non That Kind of Girl," Lena Dunham writes well-nigh a similar incident when she realized in the heart of sexual activity that a condom she thought her partner had put on was hanging from a nearby institute.
When i person agrees to sexual practice with the requirement of wearing a condom and the other person doesn't comply – either through force or manipulation – that is not only a violation of trust but too a sexual violation.
"In some jurisdicitons, sexual assault statutes embrace penetration associated with fraud," Viktoria Kristiansson, an chaser advisor for AEquitas, "The Prosecutors' Resource on Violence Against Women," said in an interview with ATTN:. She added that depending on where you are, this conduct might not exist covered under a jurisdiction'due south criminal statutes so you lot would have to consider pursuing a civil remedy, which could include suing.
"I think that's a pretty meaning occurrence...I'd imagine she would be extremely upset, take to get tested for STIs," said Kristiansson. "It's really traumatizing, time-consuming, and expensive, depending on the kind of insurance that person does or doesn't have – it's a big bargain."
2. If someone keeps request y'all to have sex activity until you say yes
When someone says "no" multiple times, then says "yes," that is considered coerced consent, which isn't really consent at all. Sexual coercion is a tactic that perpetrators oft use to violate consent and manipulate someone until they give in, employing pressure level, threats, or guilt. In contrast, existent consent gives someone the space and the freedom to say "no."
"Every bit a general idea, the presence of compulsion negates consent," said Kristiansson. "Whether or not the totality of the facts involved would bring that conduct upwardly to a criminal level actually depends."
Sexual coercion is just one of the factors considered in the investigation of a sexual assault case. "Investigators look at the totality of facts involved – they're non simply looking at the five or ten seconds or minutes or hours when the possible criminal penetration occurred," said Kristiansson. "We're looking at what happened before, during, and later an incident or series of incidents."
She continued: "Man behavior doesn't exist in a time bubble. The victim selection process by the offender is no accident and is important to consider – at that place are offenders who are going to select a victim that they can assail successfully and they feel won't study or feel won't be believed. Then when we take a wait at an incident that is reported where the weapon was compulsion, then nosotros're going to await at all those other factors."
3. If your partner forces you into a sexual deed to which you didn't agree
This is not just a "whoopsy, wrong pigsty" situation. For example, if y'all agreed to ane sexual act, due east.thou. vaginal sexual activity, but someone penetrates your anus instead of your vagina, that tin can be rape. Saying "yes" to one sexual practice human activity is non a blanket understanding to everything else. This could also apply to deepthroating. If a man physically forces your head downwardly during oral sex activity, that tin can establish rape since he's forcing you to do something against your volition (even if merely for a few seconds).
"If yous were not consenting to any other orofice beingness penetrated, then nobody has the right to penetrate it," said Kristiansson. "Every human beingness has the right to say or to otherwise communicate whether information technology'due south okay to take anyone else penetrate a function of their torso."
Even in a marriage, there'due south no "unsaid" consent due to the length or perceived commitment of the relationship.
"Nosotros e'er need to get consent from each other to engage in any kind of sexual behaviour – this is true after 10 years of union and true for dating after 10 months," said Kristiansson.
iv. If consent is taken back at any bespeak during sexual activity
If someone agrees to sex, that person is likewise able to determine to not desire to take sex afterward, even during sex. Earlier this yr, Bister Rose schooled Tyrese and Rev Run this specific issue of consent:
"If I'm laying down with a man — barrel-naked — and his condom is on, and I say, 'You know what? No. I don't want to do this. I changed my heed,' that ways no. That means f**king no. That's it."
"It doesn't matter how far I have information technology or what I have on. When I say no, it means no." – Amber Rose
In a Hurry commodity, the writer details a situation in which she was having sex that became painful and so asked her partner to modify positions. According to her, he refused and continued to have sex with her until he finished. In the story, she never says "no" but she did express her discomfort and hurting.
"Withdrawing consent is the same thing as giving consent in the outset place," said Kristiansson. "Whether it'southward saying 'stop' or a pushing abroad of the hands – whatever the method of communication is – someone is withdrawing consent."
Why this is important.
While at that place is an obvious departure between some of the non-consensual sexual experiences described here and violent sexual assaults, information technology'southward important to recognize that not all rape looks the aforementioned. Rape is any sexual activity in which one person doesn't give their full consent from the first, wants to withdraw their consent after giving information technology, or is incapable of giving consent in the first identify.
"The thought that whatever of this is confusing, which continues to be perpetuated, is really just preposterous," said Kristiansson. "When you skin back the layers on why people these scenarios are confusing, their answers would lead you on a path catastrophe with gender bias."
What exactly does this unfair handling based on gender expect like? Kristiansson described a few common ideas fueled by gender bias: "That girls tin can't make upwardly their minds or ship mixed signals; that girls who dress a certain way are going to behave a certain way – all of which is victim blaming, focusing on the what the victim did or said rather than the offender's beliefs."
Enquiry has suggested that rape survivors may experience victim-blaming handling from arrangement personnel (termed "the 2d rape"). The study "Preventing the 2d Rape" found that the trauma of rape extends far beyond the assault itself, every bit negative community responses tin can significantly drag distress.
In a rape civilisation of victim blaming and slut shaming, shifting the conversation to include all forms of rape and sexual assault is essential to giving the proper weight and value to rape survivors' voices and experiences.
[h/t Bustle]
Do y'all think the conversation surrounding rape needs to account for what happens afterward someone says "yes" initially?
Source: https://archive.attn.com/stories/8370/ways-sexual-assault-can-happen-after-giving-consent
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